she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
