The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
