I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
