I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
