my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the condom got lost in my hair
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
