Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
