What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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