Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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