Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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