Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
