if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
