How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
