if you like me you must not know who I am
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize