its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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