Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She bit a glass in half.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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