I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
