I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
