Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
