I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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