oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
