Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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