so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
