I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
