Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Help. Why am I so naked?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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