Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
