"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
