Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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