can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize