my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
