if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
