I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize