Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can you bring me the toilet please
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
