so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize