Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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