I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
