we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
