she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize