somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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