He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
