Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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