I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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