I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
