at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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