I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
