i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
