I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
