Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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