btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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