I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
