please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We were destined to go to rehab together
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
