He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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