Where did you get a picture of my penis
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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