why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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