He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
