I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Randomize
