I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
