My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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