After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
