Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
