I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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