a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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