I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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