Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
