I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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