My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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