oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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