Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
