remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
