Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
