i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize