theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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