Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
