I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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