I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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