I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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