I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
