Will you blow on my dice?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
