paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
