i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
