It's like God shit irony all over that family
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
