She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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