if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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