I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I supernannyed him into submission
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
