I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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