i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Text me some of your sweat
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
