I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
