If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
