Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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