I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
