The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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