it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
