he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
