If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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