If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize