the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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