My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
