Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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