singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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