I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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