Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
