just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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