It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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