Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I need water and some morals
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
