the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
