So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
