I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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