i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize