I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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