At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
