also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
