i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
