I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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