fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
