So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
