im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
